Cultivating Self-Energy: Returning to Your Inner Core
By Andrea Lahana
At Elliant Counseling Services, many of our clients come to us searching for ways to feel calmer, more grounded, and more connected to themselves. One of the most powerful concepts we use in therapy to help with this is Self-energy, a key principle in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy.
What Is Self-Energy?
In IFS, the “Self” is not just another part of you — it is your core essence. No matter what you’ve been through, Self is always present. When you are in Self, you embody qualities often referred to as the 8 C’s:
Calm
Clarity
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Creativity
Connectedness
Self-energy is what shows up when you are centered in those qualities. It’s the difference between reacting from fear or judgment versus responding from openness and care.
Research spotlight: Studies show that cultivating self-compassion and mindful awareness (which strongly overlap with Self-energy) is associated with reduced anxiety, lower depression, and improved emotional regulation (Neff & Germer, 2018; Jazaieri et al., 2014).
How Do You Know You’re in Self-Energy?
You might notice Self-energy when:
You feel curious about your emotions instead of overwhelmed by them.
You can pause before reacting, giving yourself space to choose how to respond.
You sense a softness or compassion toward yourself and others, even in difficulty.
Your nervous system feels steady, not pulled into fight, flight, or freeze.
You can hold multiple perspectives without feeling like you have to pick sides.
How to Foster Self-Energy
While Self is always present, parts of us (like the anxious part, the inner critic, or the people-pleaser) often take over when they feel unsafe. Fostering Self-energy is about helping those parts relax, so Self can lead.
1. Create Inner Safety
Acknowledge your parts with kindness: “I see that a worried part is here.”
Remind yourself that you don’t need to push them away — just notice and reassure them.
Evidence: Naming emotions reduces reactivity in the amygdala and helps increase regulation in the prefrontal cortex (Lieberman et al., 2007).
2. Strengthen Awareness
Practice mindfulness meditation or simple breath awareness.
Reframe self-talk: Instead of “I’m angry,” try “A part of me feels angry.”
This small shift allows Self to observe rather than blend with parts.
3. Embody the Qualities of Self
Try a compassion exercise, such as loving-kindness meditation, which increases empathy and emotional resilience (Hofmann et al., 2011).
When judgment arises, pause and ask: “What would it feel like to meet this with curiosity instead?”
4. Use the Body as an Anchor
Grounding practices (placing a hand on your heart, noticing your feet on the floor) send calming signals to your nervous system.
Movement like yoga, walking in nature, or dancing can open space for Self-energy to flow.
Evidence: Somatic practices help regulate the vagus nerve, increasing feelings of safety and calm (Porges, 2017).
5. Build External Supports
Safe, supportive relationships help parts relax and make space for Self.
Spiritual practices, journaling, or time in nature can connect you with something larger than your parts.
6. Practice Leading from Self
Pause before responding to conflict and ask: “What would Self say right now?”
Do daily check-ins: “Am I being led by Self or by a part?”
Over time, this builds trust between your parts and your Self.
A Daily Practice to Foster Self-Energy
Here’s a simple 5–10 minute practice you can try each day:
Pause and Breathe: Take 3 slow breaths, feeling your feet on the ground.
Notice and Name: Identify any parts present: “I notice a worried part” or “I notice sadness.”
Soften with Curiosity: Gently ask: “What is this part needing right now?”
Invite Self Forward: Place your hand on your heart and imagine your compassionate Self as a steady, warm presence.
Close with Gratitude: Thank your parts for showing up and let them know you’ll keep listening.
Final Thoughts
Fostering Self-energy is not about “getting rid of” difficult emotions. It’s about creating space so that your core Self can lead with compassion, clarity, and calm. At Elliant Counseling Services, we believe that when you cultivate Self-energy, you strengthen your capacity for healing, resilience, and authentic connection with others.
If you’d like to explore how to reconnect with Self-energy in your own life, our therapists are here to support you.
Embrace the courage to change and contact Elliant Counseling Services to schedule a free confidential consultation today!
References
Hofmann, S. G., Grossman, P., & Hinton, D. E. (2011). Loving-kindness and compassion meditation: Potential for psychological interventions. Clinical Psychology Review, 31(7), 1126–1132.
Jazaieri, H., Jinpa, T., McGonigal, K., Rosenberg, E., Finkelstein, J., Simon-Thomas, E., … Goldin, P. (2014). Enhancing compassion: A randomized controlled trial of a compassion cultivation training program. Journal of Happiness Studies, 15(5), 1113–1136.
Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The Mindful Self‐Compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 74(4), 842–854.
Porges, S. W. (2017). The Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory. W.W. Norton & Company.