Why Couples Therapy Is Not “Two for the Price of One”
And Why Your Individual Therapist Usually Should Not Become Your Couples Therapist
By Andrea Lahana
A lot of people think couples therapy is just individual therapy with two people in the room. Because of this, some couples assume it is a faster or cheaper version of therapy. Others think that if one partner already has an individual therapist, that therapist can later become the couples therapist too.
But couples therapy is not individual therapy times two. It is a different type of therapy with different goals, different rules, and different ethical responsibilities. Couples therapy is its own approach, based on the idea that relationships work like systems, where patterns between people matter as much as personal feelings do (Gurman & Fraenkel, 2002).
Knowing the difference can help people choose the right kind of support and avoid problems later.
Couples Therapy Has a Different “Client”
In individual therapy, the client is one person. The therapist’s job is to focus on that person’s mental health, healing, and goals.
In couples therapy, the client is the relationship.
That means the therapist is not “on one person’s side.” The therapist focuses on how the couple functions together, including communication, conflict, trust, and emotional connection. Couples therapy is mostly about what happens between partners, not just what happens inside each person (Nichols & Davis, 2020).
Because of this, couples therapy is not meant to replace individual therapy. Even though personal experiences affect the relationship, the main focus in couples work is how those experiences show up in the relationship in real time.
Couples Therapy Is Not the Best Place for Deep Individual Healing
In couples therapy, things like past trauma, attachment wounds, and stress responses often come up. That is normal.
But couples therapy is not designed for deep, detailed personal processing the way individual therapy is.
Couples therapy needs to stay balanced between both partners. If one person ends up doing most of the healing work in session, the other partner can feel left out or blamed. Research shows that couples therapy works best when the therapist keeps the focus on the relationship and avoids making it mostly about one person’s needs (Lebow et al., 2012).
Also, sharing very personal or painful information in front of a partner can sometimes backfire. Instead of feeling supported, someone might feel exposed, ashamed, or misunderstood. The partner may become defensive or overwhelmed, and the couple can leave feeling worse.
Because of this, many people benefit from doing both types of therapy at the same time:
Individual therapy for personal healing
Couples therapy for relationship healing
Often with two different therapists (Snyder et al., 2015)
This helps each therapy space stay clear and safe.
Why Your Individual Therapist Usually Should Not Become Your Couples Therapist
People are often surprised to learn that, ethically, an individual therapist usually should not later become the couples therapist for that client and their partner.
This boundary is there to protect everyone involved, and avoids these issues:
1. Dual Relationships and Conflicts of Interest
Ethical codes warn therapists to avoid situations where they have two roles that could create unfairness or harm (American Counseling Association [ACA], 2014; American Psychological Association [APA], 2017).
If a therapist has worked with one partner individually, they already know private information about that person. They also likely have a strong bond with them.
Even if the therapist tries hard to stay neutral, the new partner may feel like the therapist already “knows the story” and has already formed opinions. That partner may feel judged, unsafe, or at a disadvantage.
And even with good boundaries, it can be difficult for a therapist not to see the relationship through the lens of what they already know from individual work.
2. Confidentiality Becoming Confusing
In individual therapy, confidentiality is simple: what you share stays private.
In couples therapy, it is more complex. Couples therapists need clear policies about what happens if one partner tells the therapist a secret. Ethical writing highlights how important it is to make these rules very clear in couples work (Remley & Herlihy, 2020).
If a therapist already knows private information from the individual therapy, it can create a problem. It may be unclear what the therapist can hold privately versus what affects the relationship and needs to be addressed. This can lead to mistrust, secrecy, and conflict.
3. The Trust in Therapy Feeling Uneven
Couples therapy works best when both partners feel respected and emotionally safe.
If the therapist already has a strong relationship with one partner, the other partner may not fully trust the therapist. They may hold back, feel defensive, or feel like the therapist is taking sides.
Even if the therapist is doing everything ethically, the feeling of bias can still damage the therapy process (Knapp et al., 2017). In couples work, feeling safe matters just as much as what is being said.
The Most Ethical and Effective Approach
For many people, the healthiest and most ethical setup includes:
Individual therapy with one provider for personal healing, emotional regulation, identity work, and trauma recovery
Couples therapy with a different provider trained in relationship work
Clear boundaries so each therapist has a clear role
This supports better results and protects the integrity of both therapies (ACA, 2014; Lebow et al., 2012).
In Summary
Couples therapy is not two individual sessions happening at the same time. It is not a shortcut, and it is not meant to replace personal therapy.
Couples therapy is its own kind of therapy where the relationship is the focus.
Having different therapists for individual work and couples work is not a barrier. For many people, it is the best way to make sure the work is fair, safe, and effective for both partners.
References
American Counseling Association. (2014). ACA code of ethics. https://www.counseling.org
American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct. https://www.apa.org
Gurman, A. S., & Fraenkel, P. (2002). The history of couple therapy. Family Process, 41(2), 199–260.
Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment theory in practice: Emotionally focused therapy with individuals, couples, and families. Guilford Press.
Knapp, S., Younggren, J. N., VandeCreek, L., Harris, E., & Martin, J. N. (2017). Assessing and managing risk in psychological practice. Professional Psychology: Research and Practice, 48(2), 96–105.
Lebow, J., Chambers, A., Christensen, A., & Johnson, S. (2012). Research on the treatment of couple distress. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 38(1), 145–168.
Nichols, M. P., & Davis, S. D. (2020). Family therapy: Concepts and methods (12th ed.). Pearson.
Remley, T. P., & Herlihy, B. (2020). Ethical, legal, and professional issues in counseling (6th ed.). Pearson.
Snyder, D. K., Castellani, A. M., & Whisman, M. A. (2015). Current status and future directions in couple therapy. Annual Review of Psychology, 66, 495–521.